I’ll never forget judging a mock political debate. The candidates were actually graduate students taking a course on running for office.
As some of the students delivered their opening statement, they transformed — but not in a good way. They started to speak like a stereotypical politician: they used generic language that lacked meaning, and their delivery was stiff and inauthentic.
What caused them to act like that? ? Did their professor instruct them to speak that way? No, it came from their own assumptions of what a politician sounded like.
What was the impact? I didn’t trust them, because I couldn’t see who they really were.
The leadership mask
This phenomenon is not unique to politics.
When I advise leaders, they often face destructive inner dialogues that leave them paralyzed with anxiety. They question whether or not they’re qualified for the new role and what others will think of them.
It happens most frequently when they join a new organization or step into a new senior role. They are weighed down by their inner voice, and it’s not a kind voice.
So they try to play it safe. They create a false leadership persona with the perfect gestures and fancy language to show people they know what they’re doing.
As a result, their teams don’t trust them because they can’t truly see the person behind the role.
Letting go of self-judgement
When I work with leaders, I guide them to look inward to connect with their core values, asking questions such as: what drives you in your work? Why are you proud of your work and its impact?
By going through that process, they validate their belief that they do in fact have something valuable to say, and that they have a right to say it. This builds their confidence from within.
These executives will share with me the text of a presentation that their communication team wrote, and they’ll struggle to deliver it in an authentic way.
I’ll set it aside and ask, “So what do you really want to say?” and their extemporaneous speech, in the moment with no one watching, is 10 times more powerful than anything that’s written down on that piece of paper.
Why? Because it comes from within and lacks the self-judgment and false expectations that we normally use when we deliver a message.
Certainly, we need to add strategy and structure to our remarks, but the baseline of effective communication is authenticity. And it starts with how we communicate with ourselves.
Finding your true north
So how do you tap into this authenticity every day?
Before you craft a message or deliver a presentation, take a strategic pause. Find a quiet moment where you can ask yourself, “Who am I when I am at my best?”
The most powerful question I advise leaders to ask themselves is, “Why You?”
It doesn’t mean, “Why are you qualified?”, rather it’s “Why do you care…about the work you do and the people you represent,and when was a moment in life that made you care?”
Maybe it’s a moment from childhood when your parents taught you the value of integrity. Or perhaps it happened during the pandemic when your colleagues banded together to help one another.
Nobody answers “Why You?” with “To increase shareholder value.” It’s deeper than that.
Stop using the language you think everyone wants to hear, and unlock your real voice.
You won’t sound like a politician, you won’t sound like a stereotypical leader. You’ll sound like a powerful change-maker whose passion and purpose draws people in, engages them, and builds trust.
You won’t sound like a leader. You will be a leader.
